We say the words good grief and we hear people use this express in our common talk with others. But is there such a thing in the world called good grief, and is there even a thing called good shame and good guilt. I want to take a deeper look at these topics to see if there is anything good that comes from them in our lives. Or are those feeling as some people say, “is something to avoid”. Grief, shame, and guilt are three areas of our lives most of us want to have nothing to do with, but like other areas in our day to day existence we will have to face them.
First let’s take a look at how the world defines these terms. Now when we look at the word grief I am not talking about grief that comes from a loss of someone or the death of a person; which comes from suffering by what we bring upon ourselves by a sinful action. With that in mind let’s look at how the dictionary describes grief. The American Heritage Dictionary defines grief as: “Deep mental anguish, as from bereavement. Annoyance, or frustration. Trouble or difficulty.”[i] The world’s view of grief could also be something that a person goes through that has no positive effect in one’s life. Emotions which need to be dealt with, in a way that would absolve us from sin, instead of looking to the cause, in other words, get rid of the word sin, and find a way to avoid guilt, without changing behavior, or repenting.
Guilt is defined as “The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.”[ii] When we see others dealing with guilt what do we see most? Maybe guilt is something we need to rid ourselves of. How many people go to a counselor not to fix a problem but to relieve him or herself of guilt; to help justify themselves instead of looking at the reason for the guilt and grow in a better understanding of why they are feeling guilty. This brings us to shame, which is defined as “A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace..”[iii] Shame can come from two sources, from other people and from us. For example, a man can run a race but come in dead last and feel ashamed. Even if he has done his best and has given all he has to compete, he can still feel shame. Or someone can cast the feeling of shame onto us. Take the runner for example, he may feel as though he did his best but the crowd may yell and boo him for his defeat and cast the dark shadow of shame upon his soul. But in both examples has the runner done anything wrong? No, but that doesn’t mean we won’t feel shame if we were him. When we haven’t done anything wrong that is called misplaced shame. But all shame is not misplaced. Shame can be there for a number of reasons. For when we have done something wrong it shows us good boundaries in our life and helps us correct moral behavior. It calls us into account of what we have done wrong. It is part of God’s plan to show us how to live as He has called us to be. If we live with no shame then we would have no moral compass to guide us in the ways of righteousness.
When we look at these three emotions we need to remember that they have been given to us for a reason, just like our other emotions. But sometimes we may feel grief, guilt, or shame without committing an offense. We may feel these feeling due to misplaced emotions. For example, say you make a mistake, an honest one, and you feel guilty or shameful as all of us do from time to time when we make a mistake. Is it a proper emotion to feel ashamed for it? Or is it something that is placed on us by others or from our adversary. Think back in the last month about a situation where you felt one of these emotions. Was it felt because of a world view or from a biblical view? What I mean, did you really have a reason to feel this way or was it placed on you and there was no justification for it. Before you answer that question let’s take a look at biblical views of these emotions.
What does scripture say about grief, guilt, and shame? The world may say you should be ashamed trying to convince others that Jesus is the only way to heaven. But scripture states “I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.” The world states that sorrow or guilt from sin needs to be removed and replaced with acceptance. They say that sin is not wrong but the guilt of it is. Scripture calls that worldly sorrow in 2 Corinthians 7:9–10 “Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.” I think if we want to recognize the difference between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow we need to ask one question. Has this action honored God or dishonored Him. When we feel the sting of grief, guilt, or shame, ask yourself, “was what you did honoring or dishonoring to Him. Like the runner, he didn’t dishonor God by coming in last place. He honored Him by doing his best even though he lost. On the other hand, those who refuse to share the gospel because they fear another person opinion are dishonoring God.
Let’s take a closer look at worldly sorrow verses godly sorrow in the lives of two disciples, Judas and Peter. Both of these men were guilty of the same sin, the sin of betrayal. They both turned their backs on Jesus in His last days. While Judas turned Him over to the authorities for thirty pieces of silver, Peter denied that he even knew Him three times. They may have been alike in their denial of Jesus but in their repentance they were very different. Judas had a worldly sorrow that led to death, while Peter had a godly sorrow that led to repentance and restoration. Let’s look at their two stories in Matthew 27:3-4 and Luke 22:60-62.
Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. Matthew 27:3-4 KJV
But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are talking about." And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, "Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times." And he went out and wept bitterly. Luke 22:60-62 ESV
When we look at the verses we see that Judas repented of his sin and Peter wept bitterly. But if we look at the Greek definition of the word used in Matthew 27:3-4 we notice that it isn’t the word repent as we would use it. It is the Greek word “metamellomai,” which means to regret. While godly repentance “metanoeoô,” means to think differently or afterwards, that is, reconsider. And that is where worldly sorrow and godly sorrow differ. While Peter repented in the sense he turned from his past sin to return to the Lord. Judas on the other hand only regretted his action and committed suicide. They both saw their mistakes but they handled them differently. Regret only brings us to the point where we see how our sin has caused pain and misery to others, but doesn’t produce a willing heart that desires to return to God. Where the other produces a fruit of true repentance, which longs and needs God forgiveness and brings restoration as we see in Mark 16:6-7:
And he said to them, "Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you." Mark 16:6-7 ESV
“His (Peter) faith failed some but not totally. When Jesus looked at him, it broke him and he wept bitterly. His faith returned and he remembered the kind of Jesus that he served, and there was reconciliation. And the rest of the story is marvelous because at least three times in the gospel it says go tell my disciples and Peter, I go before them to Galilee. Why does he get special attention? It’s very clear why, he needed it very badly. If Judas had wept and gone to the rooms with the disciples and had been a broken man, and believed in Jesus, in who He really was, he would have received forgiveness
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But go, tell His disciples—Judas and Peter—that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him. He didn’t believe, he gave up on Jesus.”[iv] When you feel grief, guilt, or shame what do you do with it? Do you remember what kind of Christ you serve or do you allow it to turn you away from God? Will you allow these emotions to bring into your soul worldly sorrow, or will you allow God to work His grace within you. We all need to look to see if we are being manipulated by the world’s view or being transformed by God’s word. The choice is laid at our feet. Will we be like Peter who remembered that Jesus would restore his soul, or will you allow worldly sorrow to turn your life into regret? The choice is yours to make.
How has worldly sorrow brought about death in your spiritual life? Be specific.
How has godly sorrow brought about a repentant heart and restored your soul? Be specific.
When you feel grief, guilt, or shame from sin in your life, whom are you most like? Peter, or Judas? Why?
When you sin, do you first go to God and receive His gift of forgiveness? Or do you try harder at being better, and look for ways to earn His favor? Why?
How has worldly sorrow kept you from seeing Jesus as one who offers forgiveness?
How would your life be different if you live a life of repentance instead of regret?
What can you do differently this week to live more like Peter when it comes to accepting Christ forgiveness?
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